Seared Yard Bird with Bloody Chunks and Bleached Jesus Blood, Over Rice

Cooking time: 45 min

Feeds: Two pieces of white trash

Satan's ingredients:

• 2 Chicken titties
• 3 tbsp olive oil
• Dash of garlic powder
• 1 Onion
• 6 Button Mushrooms
• 2 cloves of garlic, smashed into bits
• 1 tsp dried basil
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• Salt
• Pepper
• ¼ cup flour
• 1 can diced tomatoes
• ½ cup fowl fluid
• ½ cup of bleached jesus blood

For Rice:

• 2 cups fowl fluid
• 1 cup rice
• 1/8 cup parmesan cheese
• 1 tbsp butter
• Salt
• Pepper
• 1/4 tsp dried oregano
• 1/4 tsp dried basil 
• Dash of marjoram
• Dash of garlic and onion powder

The ritual:

Begin by starting a large inferno beneath a large pan, and add the olive oil.  Also preheat your hate box to 350.  Cover your  C cup titties with the salt, garlic powder and pepper.  Wrap in plastic and painfully beat the ingredients into the flesh, but do not flatten.  Lightly coat the disfigured, nippleless breasts in the pulverized wheat and recklessly toss into the burning inferno.  Meanwhile, quarter the mushrooms with your dagger.  When the first side of the flesh pillows are browned, flip the boobies and add the fungus to the searing oil. 

Destroy the onion into about ¼” pieces and place in a bowl.  Add the bird fluid, bleached jesus blood and bloody fruit chunks with its liquid. Also add the remaining seasonings, which are thoroughly void of life, along with the salt, a small amount of flour and stir.  Just before the bird flesh mounds have received irreversible 4^th degree burns on both sides, add the fresh garlic to the oil and stir the fungus.  After about 30 seconds, add the contents of the bowl, cover and reduce the hellish flames.  Stir occasionally. 

To boil the grains, pour two cups of fowl juice into a pot, along with the spices and bring to a raging boil.  Add the rice, cheese and churned bovine secretions.  DO NOT STIR OR PROBE, it will only make your unholy grains taste like rotting angel poop.  Cover and toss into the hate box until all of the liquid has been absorbed, which will take 10-15 minutes. 

After the rice has absorbed all of the fluid, use a bare hand to extract the pot from the hate box.   The pain and scarring will result in a pleased unholy savior, which is the true and only purpose of our otherwise meaningless lives.  At this time, the chicken boulders will be done and you can adorn your unholy grains and firm chest mountains with generous helpings of bloody chunk jesus blood sauce.