Hamaroni and Cheese

Cooking time: A whole goddamn hour >:0

What you'll need:

• 1/2 pound macaroni
• 3/4 cup sharp cheddar
• 3/4 cup mild cheddar
• 4 ounces of cooked ham cubes (optional)
• 1/2 a white onion
• 2 slices of bread
• Cayenne red pepper
• Shitloads of butter
• Black pepper
• Sea salt (or regular salt, it probably doesn't matter)

Here's how:

Preheat that oven to 375 hate units. Meanwhile, boil the noodles. I don't really time this, I just cook 'em for a while, and if someone complains that the noodles are too tough, just call them weak.

Chop half a white onion into unfathomably small pieces. Imagine you've got to dispose of a body and DNA testing hasn't been invented yet. Meanwhile, melt a shitload of butter in a pot. Remember, more butter is better (but if you need an exact number, I don't know, 2 tbsp.?)

When the butter is melted, dump in the onions. Cook them for a few minutes. Dump in 1/8 cup of flour and mix it up. Then dump in 2 cups of milk. Yep, you just took a huge dump all over that butter, and it's going to f'n rule. Cook this massive dump until it bubbles, which will take about 5 minutes.

Drain the noodles and set them aside. Put 3/4 cup of each type of shredded cheese in the pot and stir 'til it melts. This'll make it taste good enough, but now's your chance to throw in some hate powder. Get real liberal with cayenne red pepper, ground black pepper, and sea salt. Now add the noodles.

If you forget to slaughter a pig by this point, don't worry. This recipe works all right without flesh. Just plan better next time, okay? If you have ham, add it to the noodle cheese now. Pour the whole thing into a baking rectangle.

Put two slices of bread in a blender and say something hilarious like "This is for breaking into my truck!" before pressing the purée button. Mix the bread crumbs with more cheddar cheeses. Now pour the bread cheese on the mac n' cheese.

Shove the whole thing in the hate furnace for 30 minutes, uncovered. That's it. If someone tries to tell you that it sucks, they're obviously a moron and should be slapped with the gauntlet.