Pulverized Fowl Scorched in Acidic Hellfire

Cooking time:  45 minutes, unless you’re intoxicated.

Feeds: 2 doomed souls

Torture list:

• Two B or C cup chicken titties
• ½ cup flour
• An assload of salt
• A fuckton of pepper
• The juice from 1 large lemon
• Some olive oil
• ¼ cup white wine
• 1 cup chicken broth
• ½ tbsp dried basil
• ½ tbsp dried oregano
• 2 cloves of garlic, dismembered
• 2 tbsp butter

Masochistic Procedure:

Start off adorning your face with a leather mask and ball gag, making sure the eye holes are unzipped.  Wrap your poultry fun bags in plastic wrap, then proceed to render them into A cups with a large mallet.  Meanwhile, start a medium high inferno of certain death below a large skillet.  Add the olive oil.  Remove the knockers from the wrap and add the salt, pepper, basil and oregano to the expired bird balloons.  Lightly dredge the bazookas in the flour.  Add to the pan along with the garlic.  Reduce the heat and watch closely, or else the wrath of Satan may blacken your boob-meat crust, which will render your dick squeezers to be completely unattractive to your salivating mouth, unless you’re into that sort of thing. 

Towards the end of the first part of the ritual, add the butter and make sure you coat the twins thoroughly.  Your patience will be rewarded by our Unholiest of all Lords when the jugs resemble giant scabs.  You may remove the flesh pillows and set aside. Add the broth,  booze and acid to the pan, and more salt.  Bring to a boil. 

After a couple of minutes, you will likely be fully aroused from all of this sexual sadism.  The final step is submerge the chicken cantaloupes in the acidic cauldron of death and cover.  Allow the poultry pacifiers to take in some of the caustic fluid.  Transfer to a plate and douse with the corrosive concoction.   Remove your ball gag and devour your sadistic creation.

The Wings of Satan

Cooking time: Depending on the ferocity of your hellfire, 1.5 hours

Feeds: A fuckload of fuckers

You’ll need:

• An assload of Texas Pete or any other mild hot sauce for the base
• Tabasco sauce to taste
• Cayenne pepper to taste
• Tbsp of garlic powder
• Tbsp of onion powder
• A fuckton of salt
• Tsp black pepper
• Tsp White pepper
• 1 stick of butter
• ¼ cup of worcestershire sauce
• Enough fowl wings to cover the grate over your flames
• CHARCOAL grill

Creation process:

First, please note I clearly specified using a charcoal grill to prepare this unholy feast.  If you do not own a charcoal grill, either obtain one or go off and experiment on your face with a 12 gauge shotgun.  Gas grills are for the weak, and our unholy Lord of eternal suffering does not appreciate weakness. 

Begin by hating, I mean heating, a medium sized pot over a medium high blaze of fiery torment.  Add the stick of churned bovine secretions, along with the rest of the non-flesh ingredients to the cauldron of miserable hellfire.  Stir it up real good and slow, gradually bringing it to a boil.  Reduce the flames of ungodliness and let it sit in its own suffering, stirring occasionally.

Dismember the wings by slicing through the joints with an extremely sharp dagger.  If you’re having trouble, just compare it to dismembering a corpse for easy disposal, and it should come naturally to you.   Add the pieces of lifeless, boney flesh to a bowl and adorn with a small amount of the boiling hate sauce. 

While the dead skin is soaking up the demonic fluid, start your grill by removing the grate, distributing a mountain of charcoal on the ash pan and dousing it with an unnecessary amount of accelerant.  Set it on fire with whatever device you prefer (i.e. match, blow torch, flame thrower).  A few minutes after the flames have subsided, distribute the burning charcoal evenly across the pan with your bare hands and return the grate. 

A few minutes later, add all of the Satanic wings across the grate.  You’ll soon notice a large amount of seepage from the dead flesh.   Contrary to popular belief, this is not excess fat melting off, but is actually the tears of god’s angels who have gathered to witness this wicked ceremony which marks the beginning of a great and unholy war.  It will also be obvious the tears are flammable, so it’s best you keep a close watch over this ritual to ensure that god does not gain the upper hand by ruining your feast.  After several minutes, flip all of the wings, which will surely bring forth additional sorrow from the witnessing angels above. 

Continue flipping for 30 minutes to an hour.  When the wings of our hateful lord have been rendered golden brown and crispy by scorching anguish, they will be ready for the final process.   Move them to a glass or metal bowl and liberally add the bubbling demon blood sauce, and mix.  Consume the wings.  You may use the leftover hate sauce to commit acts of sodomy with a partner of your choosing.