Goddamn Awfuls

Time: As long as it fucking takes

Feeds: 2-4 hungry cunts

Items to be destroyed:

• 2 cups of flour
• 1.75 cups of bovine secretions
• 2 aborted bird embryos
• 2 tbsp sugar
• 4 tsp baking powder
• A pinch of a fuckton of salt
• 1/2 cup of vegetable oil

Sickening syrup:

• 1/2 cup of water
• 1/2 cup of sugar
• 1/2 cup of brown sugar
• 1/4 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 tsp cinnamon

The ritual:

In a large bowl, combine all of the dry items on the shitlist and mix.  Then add all of the wet shit and stir until most of the goddamn clumps are gone.  Don’t stir it too much or else your awfuls will actually be awful, because they’ll be too fucking tough. 

Spoon enough batter into a preheated awful iron and cook until they are golden brown.  Mine takes about 8 minutes per awful, but adjust accordingly.  Also, don’t overload the awful iron with the sickening concoction, because it’ll expand and make a huge fucking mess.  If you make a huge fucking mess, the dark lord will not be pleased.

If you’re like most fuckers and you don’t have syrup, you can make your own.  Just boil the listed components in a cauldron until it thickens up.  If you have maple extract, use that instead of cinnamon if you wish.  However, nobody has that shit on hand, I’m sure, unless they’re from the great dark north where that shit comes from. 

Slather the searing hot waffles with the scalding, sickening syrup and devour.