Maliciously Marinated Seared Swine

Time: 1.5 hours

Feeds: 4 or 5 of your douchebag friends.  Less if your friends are fat.

Consumables: 

• One pork tenderloin
• Charcoal grill
• 2 tbsp clover bee vomit
• 1 cup soy sauce
• Juice from one lime
• 1 tsp black pepper
• ½ tbsp ginger
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 2 tbsp crushed red pepper
• 1 tbsp parsley

Sacrificial Ceremony:

Begin by pouring the two tablespoons of the bee vomit into a large bowl.  Next place in your nuclear reactor for approximately 20 seconds.  This softens up the regurgitations, allowing it to mix easily with the other ingredients.  Now add the other fluids and powders then mix to create the malevolent potion.

Put your chunk of swine into a sealable bag and cover in the callous concoction.  Allow it to soak up as much of the wickedness as possible.  This fluid along with the luscious loin of filthy swine will give you the strength to serve the will of our Unholy Lord by fueling your heinous soul.  Be sure to save some of fluid for basting while the flesh swelters over the fiery inferno.

You will have plenty of time to contemplate how to fulfill the deeds in which Satan has assigned while the meat soaks up the solution.  After you dig approximately one and a half graves in moderately rocky soil during a full moon, the swine will be ready for torture upon the grate of Charon.   

After the time has elapsed, set fire to the pit of blazing anguish.  Place the raw flesh directly over the burning coals from the shores of the River Styx and close the lid.  Turn every 5 minutes, brushing on more of the ghoulish gravy until desired doneness is achieved.