Beelzebub Fowl

Time: 2 hr 15 min

Feeds: 2 hungry, hungry fuckers

Organisms to extinguish:

• 2 tig ol fowl bitties, bone in, skin on
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 + 1 fuck ton of salt
• 2 tbsp chili powder
• 2 tbsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1 tbsp dried minced onion
• 2 cups bleached jesus blood (moscato)
• 2 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1.5 tsp Old Bay
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp thyme
• 1/4 cup bacon fat
• 1/4 cup ketchup
• 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
• 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
• 4 tbsp honey

Persecution paraphernalia:

• The box in which holds the flames of Charon
• Bastard Brush

The Execution of the Death Sentence:

Begin by depositing all of the ingredients (minus the fun bags) into a medium sized cauldron.  Bring the mixture to a boil, stirring every minute or so.  In about a goddamn hour, the shit will have reduced and become sticky.  If yours is thick and sticky way before that, then congratulations, you’re a quick Beelzebub sauce-making asshole. 

While your Beelzebub sauce was furiously boiling in the cauldron, you should have taken the time to ignite an inferno in your Charon box.  When the sauce is done, use the bastard brush to paint a small amount of sauce on the bird balloons.  Be sure you get under the skin too, so you can get some flavor on the flesh.

Pour a small amount of sauce in a bowl and set aside.  Introduce the bastard boobs to the grate above the hellfire, making sure the skin side is up and persecute for about 5 minutes.  Flip and pay close attention to prevent flare ups.  Direct fire will burn the living shit out of the titties, rendering them less succulent later on.  If an open flame develops, move the bresticles to another location above the flame so they aren't carbonized to death.  We’re looking for a slow, torturous extermination here. 

The when the internal temp of knockers is about 150, flip for the final time, making sure the skin side is up, and paint a heavy application of Beelzebub sauce with the bastard brush.  Close the lid and let it solidify on the surfaces of the nippless flesh pillows. 

After the tits are done, remove and let cool.  Serve with extra Beezlebub sauce and demolish with your digestive tract.