Time: 2 hr 15 min
Feeds: 2 hungry,
hungry fuckers
Organisms to
extinguish:
- 2 tig ol fowl bitties, bone in, skin on
- 1 cup brown sugar
- 1/4 + 1 fuck ton of salt
- 2 tbsp chili powder
- 2 tbsp garlic powder
- 1 tsp onion powder
- 1 tbsp dried minced onion
- 2 cups bleached jesus blood (moscato)
- 2 tsp cayenne pepper
- 1.5 tsp Old Bay
- 1 tsp black pepper
- 1 tsp thyme
- 1/4 cup bacon fat
- 1/4 cup ketchup
- 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
- 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
- 4 tbsp honey
Persecution
paraphernalia:
- The box in which holds the flames of Charon
- Bastard Brush
The Execution of the
Death Sentence:
Begin by depositing all of the ingredients (minus the fun
bags) into a medium sized cauldron.
Bring the mixture to a boil, stirring every minute or so. In about a goddamn hour, the shit will have
reduced and become sticky. If yours is thick
and sticky way before that, then congratulations, you’re a quick Beelzebub sauce-making
asshole.
While your Beelzebub sauce was furiously boiling in the cauldron,
you should have taken the time to ignite an inferno in your Charon box. When the sauce is done, use the bastard brush
to paint a small amount of sauce on the bird balloons. Be sure you get under the skin too, so you
can get some flavor on the flesh.
Pour a small amount of sauce in a bowl and set aside. Introduce the bastard boobs to the grate
above the hellfire, making sure the skin side is up and persecute for about 5
minutes. Flip and pay close attention to
prevent flare ups. Direct fire will burn
the living shit out of the titties, rendering them less succulent later
on. If an open flame develops, move the
bresticles to another location above the flame so they aren't carbonized to
death. We’re looking for a slow,
torturous extermination here.
The when the internal temp of knockers is about 150, flip
for the final time, making sure the skin side is up, and paint a heavy
application of Beelzebub sauce with the bastard brush. Close the lid and let it solidify on the
surfaces of the nippless flesh pillows.
After the tits are done, remove and let cool. Serve with extra Beezlebub sauce and demolish
with your digestive tract.
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