Fowl Forneus Archon

Time: 1 hour

Feeds: 4 dirty bastards

The deceased:

• 2 boneless fowl tits
• 1/2 package fettuccini
• One broccoli stalk, torn to bits
• 8 button mushrooms, daggered into quarters

Titty juice:

• 1/2 cup olive oil
• 1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
• 1 tbsp red wine vinegar
• 1 tbsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 2 tsp minced onion
• 1 tbsp oregano
• 1 tbsp basil
• 1 tsp marjoram
• 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

Archon sauce:

• 8 oz cream coagulated bovine secretions
• 1.5 cup bovine secretions
• 6 basil leaves chopped fine
• 2 cloves garlic, annihilated
• 1 stick butter
• 1 cup parmesan coagulated bovine secretions

Necessary equipment:

• The box in which holds the flames of Charon
• Nuclear hate box

The Abominable Demise:

Start by combining and mixing all of the titty juice ingredients into a small bowl and nuke it for 1 minute.  Next add the bird bosoms to the marinade and let it sit.  While you wait, start an obscenely hot flame within the realm of Charon.  When it is ready, persecute the titties above the flame until they are done.   Set the bird mammaries on a plate and permit them to cool.

Next start your archon sauce by adding the butter to a cauldron over medium hellfire.  Add the mushrooms and garlic then force them to suffer for a couple of minutes, probing occasionally.  Next add the bovine secretions and cream coagulated bovine secretions.  The cream coagulated bovine secretions will melt easily if you have raped it into 1” cubes with a knife beforehand.  Once this begins to melt, add the parmesan coagulated bovine secretions and basil.  Probe often to prevent burning.  Once everything has melted and begins to boil, reduce the hate. 

While your archon sauce is being transformed into a caustic substance, place a large cauldron 3/4 full of salty unholy water on top of your hellfire generator over high hate heat.  Next place your decapitated and maimed broccoli in a bowl and add about 1/4 cup of water.  Place a plate on top of the bowl, and put it in your nuclear hate box for about 3 minutes on high.  This will give the broccoli a steam bath it’ll never forget, or at least until your body processes it into filthy feces.  If it’s not done, tumorize that shit again for another minute. 

 

When your unholy water is boiling, add the goddamn fettuccini noodles.  After about 8 minutes of unimaginable suffering, they will be transformed into the bleached dreadlocks of Forneus, the great sea monster and marquis of the underworld.  Drain, and place a heaping portion of Forneus’ hair on the plate.  Cut the bird boobies on the bias and place on top, followed by the broccoli.  Now drench in archon sauce and devour.