Fajitas Diablo

Cooking time: Several fucking hours

Feeds: 4 underlings

Killing list:

• 2-3 cheap ass thin beef steaks
• A pack of large flour tortillas
• 1 sliced onion
• 1 sliced bell pepper
• 1 slice jalapeno, with seeds and membranes included
• 1 diced tomato
• 8-10 button mushrooms, sliced
• 2 pulverized cloves of garlic
• 4 tbsp olive oil
• Juice from a lime
• Juice from another lime
• Salt
• A bunch of crushed red pepper
• 2 tbsp canola oil

The ritual:

Place your pieces of murdered beast into a sealable plastic bag along with the olive oil, crushed red pepper, one pulverized vampire repellent pod and lime juice.  Mix up really well, seal and place in the morgue for at least 12 hours.

The next day, remove the meat from the morgue and allow it to sit for at least an hour.  If you wish, you may beat your meat with a jagged mallet until you are satisfied.  Ignite the box in which contains the flames of Charon.  Place the unholy coals about an inch below the grate and allow them to reach their full intensity.   Place your beast meat and sear on each side for no longer than 2 minutes. You’ll want that delicious blood to mix with and enhance your appalling abomination.  While they are searing, squeeze fresh limey acid all over the disfigured slivers of burning animal flesh. 

After you have removed the meat allow it to rest for at least 5 minutes.  Remove the grate above the flames of Charon.  Obtain a large cast iron pan.  Add the canola oil and allow it to heat directly on the coals of the river Styx.  After a minute or so, add the disfigured vegetables minus the tomatoes with some salt and stir while the sure signs of death slowly manifest before your cold, dead eyes.  While this atrocity is unfolding in the pan, wrap the tortillas with foil and place in the hatebox as directed.  When the vegetables are limp and have lost quite a bit of color, add the tomatoes.  Scorch for a few more minutes, then remove. 

Slap the meat onto a board and slice into thin pieces, against the grain.  Place a tortilla on a plate and add the meat, then the vegetables.  Pour excess blood from your slicing board over the defiled mess.  If you wish, you may add condiments such as sour cream, cheese, salsa, etc.   You will be held in high regard once you reach the black gates of Hell if you choose condiments with the highest number of Scoville units.  Consume.