Satan’s Vile Vomit with Chunks of Swine

Torture time: 1 hour

Feeds: More fuckers than you'd think

Kill list:

• 1lb of split peas
• 2 tsp coriander
• Fuckton of salt
• 2 tsp turmeric
• 2 tsp cumin
• Small amount of cayenne pepper
• Small amount of ground mustard
• Small amount of ginger
• 1 onion, sliced into pieces
• 2 tbsp churned bovine secretions
• 2 cloves of garlic, pulverized
• 5 cups of chicken juice
• 1-2 cups of left over swine chunks

The construction of the regurgitation:

Begin by carefully drawing a circle on the floor with all-purpose flour.  Next, draw an inverted 5 pointed star with the flour that supposedly can be used for anything.  Kneel and perform an audible prayer to Satan, asking for him for strength while preparing a scalding replica of his vile and hideous vomit in which your soul will marinate in for all of eternity immediately after your demise upon this planet.   

  

In a cauldron, sweat the onion and garlic in the churned bovine secretions over medium hellfire.  Add the salt and wait for the onions to lose their color, which is the signal they are thoroughly void of all life.  Add the foul fowl fluid and turn up the hate to medium high.  Rinse the peas in unholy water, then add to the concoction that should be boiling violently at this point, along with the rest of the ingredients, minus the swine.  Cover and reduce the hellfire.

After about 35 minutes, remove the cover and use an immersion pulverizer to grind the contents into a green pile of steaming, demonic puke.  When it has reached the consistency of 3 day old goat bile, discarded after a ceremonial slaughter, sprinkle with chunks of swine meat and serve.