Maimed Root Vegetable Infused with Coagulated Bovine Secretions, Swine Gut and Discarded Menstruation

Time: 1 hour

Feeds: 4-6 minions

The Damned:

• 1.5 lbs of red potatoes
• 6 Slices of swine belly strips
• 8 discarded chicken embryos
• 1 onion, raped with a knife
• 5 cloves of garlic, smashed and ripped to shreds
• 3 Jalapeno peppers, lacerated into bits
• 2 cups sharp cheddar coagulated bovine secretions
• Fuckton of salt
• Fuckton of black pepper
• 1 cup whole bovine secretions

Awaken to serve the Dark Lord:

This ritual will help alleviate your horrific hangover the morning after you blew your whole paycheck on $6 Pabst Blue Ribbons the night before at the metal show.  The rendered fat will help lube up your interior, forcing you to expel the wretchedness within.

Begin by carving the swine gut into chunks and tossing into a large cast iron pan over medium high hellfire.  While the pork is screaming from the searing of its flesh, use your time to disarticulate the red spuds into cubes, and go ahead and rape your onion, jap pepper and garlic. 

When the meat has suffered sufficiently, extract and add the potatoes to the greasy mess the swine left behind.  Torture for about 10 minutes, then add the onion, garlic and jap peppers.  Probe every so often.  While this batch of the ritual is being executed, abort your 8 chickens and whisk in the bovine secretions.

 

Preheat your hatebox to 350.  Transfer the dead spuds, onion, garlic and swine chunks to a 13 X 9 dish and mix to combine.  Add the salt and coagulated bovine secretions to the fowl cunt slime and stir to infuse.  Pour this nasty shit over the potatoes and crack some goddamn pepper over the top of it.  Insert into the hatebox.  Bake your putrid mess for about 35 minutes, or until the liquefied flesh of the dead, scrambled bird babies have been scorched back into a solid.  Extract and devour.