Fowl Salad

Time: 2 goddamn hours

Feeds: 4 hungry minions

Killing list:

• 2 Split chicken titties, skin on, bone in
• 1 tbsp basil
• 1 tsp oregano
• Fuckton of salt
• 1 tsp thyme
• 1 tbsp black pepper
• 1 tbsp garlic powder
• 1 tbsp onion powder
• 2 sprigs of rosemary
• ½ cup mayonnaise
• ¼ cup dill relish
• ½ cup almonds
• 1 tbsp Dijon mustard
• 1 tbsp lemon juice
• 1 stalk celery, chopped fine
• More black pepper

Directions for Death:

Begin by preheating your hate box to 350 hate units.  Pull back the skin from the boob meat and stuff it full of the herbs and spices you have mixed beforehand.  Pierce the skin of each titty with the rosemary springs, so the rosemary is touching the raw flesh of mammaries that weren’t designed to product milk.

Next insert into the hatebox and cook until the microbes have been executed, approximately 165 degrees F.  Extract and allow to cool.

After the dead bird chesticles have cooled down to room temperature, rip the skin off and consume.  Next rip the meat from the bone, and carve into 2 cm chunks with your dagger.   Launch the bones outside and hope an annoying, innocent animal chokes to death on them.  

Now you're going to slit your nuts with the dagger.  Take a nut and slit it long ways, much like you'd do if you planning on seriously killing yourself by slitting your wrists.  Cut it at least twice.  Repeat until you can't take it anymore, then do it some more until all are slit.  You could just buy slivered almonds, but that requires you locate them in the store, which can be more difficult than actually doing the work.  When you're done with the seemingly endless amount of nuts, throw them into a searing hot pan.  Stir them around for about 10 minutes until they start smelling like goddamn pop corn.  Extinguish the heat and let them cool for a few minutes.

Throw the disgraced fowl tits into a bowl and squirt with the citrus acid.  Stir, so the searing acid seeps into the flesh.  Now add the slit and tortured nuts, celery, relish, mayo, mustard and black pepper.  Mix thoroughly, and chill in the morgue.  After about an hour, extract and serve on faguette slices.