Sea Roaches of Sodom

Time: 30 minutes

Feeds: Up to 2 Sodomites

List:

• 1 cup bovine secretions
• 1 tbsp white vinegar
• ½ cup hot sauce
• 1 lb raw sea roaches
• ½ cup corn meal
• ½ cup flour
• 1.5 tsp baking powder
• Fuckton of salt
• Black pepper
• 1 tbsp Old Bay
• A bunch of canola or peanut oil

Required tools:

• Cauldron of oily expiration

The repugnant act:

Make sure your sea roaches are peeled and the shit sac is removed.  You can do this by making a shallow incision along the spine and removing the tube of shit with your dirty fingernail.  If you’re too lazy to do this, that’s fine.  You’re already a filthy sodomite, so might as well add ‘consumer of scat’ to your resume.

While this is going on, preheat the oil in your cauldron of oily expiration to 375 degrees.  Wash your sea roaches in cold unholy water.  Pat dry and sprinkle with salt and pepper.  Combine the vinegar and bovine secretions in a cup and wait for a few minutes, until the vinegar has absolutely ruined the milk.  Then stir in the hot sauce. 

Combine the dry ingredients, and toss your dead sea roaches in, covering thoroughly.  Then momentarily soak them in the spoiled milk/hot sauce concoction.  Extract them from the spicy rotten milk and throw them back into the pulverized grains and seasonings, recoating their tiny corpses with soon-to-be deliciousness.    

Lower the basket into the depth of the hellish oil bath.  Toss the dead and dressed sea roaches in and persecute for 3 or 4 minutes.  They’ll curl up from the pain, and their flesh will be rendered a deadly shade of pink. 

Extract, douse with lemon juice and devour.  You may remove the tails and put on a U-boat slathered with tartar sauce and Tobasco to make a satisfying sandwich.