Acidbath Fowl Pasta

Cooking time: 30 minutes

What you'll need:

• 2 boneless chicken mammaries
• 2 tbsp butter (or imitation curdled cow mammary fluids)
• 1/2 cup flour
• 1 shelled poultry abortion
• 2 slices of bread
• 8 ounces fungus
• 1 half green pepper
• 1 half white onion
• 1 half tomato
• 2 cloves garlic
• 2 lemons
• 1/2 pound fallen angel hair noodles
• 3 tbsp olive oil
• seasoned salt
• garlic powder
• black as my soul pepper

Here's how:

Though Dax from Acid Bath encourages you to eat his dead cock, we here at the Angry Metalhead Cookbook encourage you to eat this dead bird and hair soaked in a homemade acid bath. The secret to this recipe is a delicate balance of a fuckload of butter and olive oil and the timing of the cooking of the plants.

Part 1: Coating the Bird

The other secret to this recipe is a blend of breading for the poultry fun bags that you will fry in a fuckload of butter. To get ready for this, preheat a cast iron torture pan and a non-stick coated pan to medium heat, melting 1 tbsp of butter in each.

Put two slices of bread in the toaster and scorch them until they're sorry, ripping them to tiny pieces and throwing them in a blender until finely decomposed.

In three bowls, prepare the following:

1. 1/2 cup flour
2. 1 cracked, deshelled, scrambled embryo
3. Decomposed bread crumbs

To the bread crumb bowl, add 1 tbsp seasoned salt, 1 tbsp garlic powder, and 1 tsp black as my soul pepper. Stir it up, eat the entire thing with a spoon, and then make some more for the teats.

Move the formerly feathered bikini stuffers from one bowl to the other, thoroughly coating in flour, then egg, then bread. Transfer the chesticles to a plate and drink the remaining egg with a curly straw.

Part 2: Garden of Disaster

As mentioned before, the secret is the careful timing of plants placed into the non-stick crying pan to ensure that each is cooked exactly right. Pull out your murder kit and choose a particularly terrifying knife. Dismember the plants in such a fashion:

• Fungus: Chop into quarters or sixths
• Onion: Chop into 1-inch squares
• Green pepper: Chop into 1/4-inch by 1-inch strips
• Garlic cloves: Chop into thin slices
• Tomato: Chop into tiny dice and bet your rent payment with them in an alley
• Lemons: Chop into quarters (8 slices total)

Part 3: Boiled Hair—How Appetizing!

Boil water in a large cauldron and wait.

Part 4: Commence the Acid Bath

When the butter in each pan begins to turn brown, throw the fungus in the non-stick pan and toss the honkers in the cast iron torture pan. Stir the fungus regularly for about 5 minutes, allowing them to absorb the charring secretions. Throw the onion and green pepper in with the fungus and stir for about 3 more minutes. DO NOT ADD THE TOMATO YET GODDAMNIT!

Now that 8 total minutes have elapsed, you are privileged to know another secret of this recipe: Flip the sweater meat in the cast iron pan to fry the other side. Genius!

Also at the 8-minute mark, add the garlic slices to the garden of disaster, stirring regularly. Now put the hair in the pot. Take 4 lemon slices; squeeze two into the garden of disaster and two into the cast iron pan that is torturing the traffic stoppers. Allow everything to suffer in the acid bath for 3 more minutes.

Drain the hair when done and return to the cauldron. Add 3 tbsp olive oil to the hair, stirring to coat. Add the garden of disaster to the cauldron. NOW YOU CAN ADD THE TOMATO TO THE CAULDRON, GODDAMNIT! Stir everything.

Part 5: You'll Be Eating Any Second Now, Probably

Transfer the fried wahwahs to plates. Scoop acidbath pasta and plants onto each plate. Serve with 2 slices of lemon each. Before eating, chew on a razor blade for at least one full minute to enhance the experience of the acid bath.