Anti Vampire Outer Fowl Groins

Time: One goddamn hour

Feeds: Two heretics

You will be killing:

• 4 chicken thighs
• 1 stick of churned bovine secretions
• 3 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 rosemary sprig
• 3 cloves of garlic, minced
• Fuckton of pepper
• 1 tsp crushed red pepper

The violation of the cock:

Begin by preheating your hatebox to 350 hate units.  Put everything in a bowl, except the groins, and nuke on high for 2 minutes.  Be sure to cover the fucking bowl with some plastic wrap, or else you’ll make a huge goddamn mess inside the nuclear hatebox, and that makes Satan angry. 

Obtain a baking dish and lube it up with some olive oil spray.  Place the loins side by side, skin side down. Put your nuked sprig in between the lap meat, so it touches all of them. Pour 3/4 of the mixture over the dark carcass meat and place into the hatebox.

After 20 minutes have elapsed, extract and flip the steaming cock meat.  Pour the rest of the oriental

vampire repellent mixture over the top and torture for 25 minutes.  If you want the skin crispy, turn on the death from above until about 5 minutes before the final extraction.  Devour and use the bones to make a fashionable necklace for your significant other.