Maimed and Preserved Devil Dicks

Time: 1 week

The shit:

• 15 or so large jalapeno peppers
• 1 cup white vinegar
• 1 cup distilled water
• 1 tbsp salt
• 2 tsp sugar
• Black peppercorns
• 2 cloves garlic

Required devices:

• Large specimen jar

The preservation of the demonic phalluses:

Begin by slicing the peppers into about 1/4” rounds with your dagger.  Do not discard the seeds and membranes, unless you’re a  fruitcake.  Remember, fruitcake is what people eat on Jesus’ birthday, and you don’t want to be affiliated with that!

Obtain a medium sized cauldron and dump everything in, minus the peppers.  Ignite a large hellfire beneath your cauldron and pray to Satan for guidance and strength.  Once the concoction is at a raging boil, dump in the mutilated peppers.

Kill the hellfire, hang your face over the pot and inhale deeply.  Let the fiery mist fill your eyes and lungs.  If you’re lucky, this is what your afterlife will feel like, so get used to it.  After 15 minutes, pour the contents of the cauldron into your specimen jar, and put the lid on.

After the specimen jar has cooled significantly, place in the morgue.  You may consume immediately, but for a better flavor, wait at least a week before consumption.