96.66% Dead Meat Pie

Time: A fucking hour

Feeds: Two angry metalheads

Things to kill:

• 1lb of pulverized bovine creature
• Fuckton of salt
• 1 tsp dry, raped onion
• 1 tsp basil
• 1 tsp oregano
• 1 tsp sage
• 1 tsp crushed red pepper
• 1 clove garlic, raped
• 5 button mushrooms, sliced
• A fuckton of pepperoni
• Any other meat you like
• Fuckton of mozzarella coagulations
• The blood from Pythius Pie

Murder procedure:

Prehate your hatebox to 350 hate units.  Obtain a large bowl and dump in the beast meat along with the first 6 ingredients.  Mix well with your bare hands, then lick your fingers like they were beaters used to mix up delicious cake batter. 

Obtain a pie pan and spread the meat concoction out like it is a pie crust.  Add your blood, then  a handful of coagulations.  Spread the coagulations all over the blood.  Next add your toppings, then the rest of the coagulations.  Insert into the hatebox for 35 minutes. 

When time for extraction comes, you will notice the meat base will have shrunk. This makes for easy removal from the pan.  Quickly consume and think about how terrible it is that you don’t have more.