Deep Shit Pizza

Time: All fucking day

Feeds: A bunch of assholes

Death list:

Body:

•          1 1/2 cup warm unholy water
•          1.25 tbsp yeast
•          1/3 cup non-fat dry bovine secretions
•          1 tbsp salt
•          1 tbsp sugar
•          4.25 cups AP flour
•          4 tbsp canola oil
•          Cooking spray

Blood:

•         1 can tomato sauce
•         1 tsp oregano
•         1/2 tsp marjoram
•        1/2 tsp basil
•         1/2 tsp garlic powder
•         1/2 tsp onion powder
•         1/4 tsp salt
•          Fuckton of crushed red pepper

The soul:

•          Meat of your choice
•          Vegetables of your choice
•          1/4 cup canola oil
•          Mozzarella coagulated bovine secretions

Required Torture Tools:

•         Automated mutilation device

The Creation of the Shit Pie:

Being with a prayer to the dark lord, asking for strength and if necessary, an appearance to aid with the cleanup, which will be extensive.  Measure out your unholy water and add the sugar and microscopic zombies.  Stir well with a clean dagger to combine.

Add the rest of the shit to the bowl of your automated mutilation device and attach the meathook.  After about 10 minutes, add the microscopic zombie liquid, then use the machine to beat the shit out of the contents of the bowl until it forms a ball.  If it’s too sticky add some more flour until it it gets smooth. 

While the body is being beaten into oblivion, you can make the blood of the pie.  Just mix everything together well, and cover.  Stash in the morgue until you need it.

Next, obtain two cast iron pans and divide the dough appropriately.  Dump the canola oil into the pans and add the raw dough.  Blast with cooking spray, cover with a loin cloth and stash in an approximate 110 degree hatebox for several hours, or until the shit has risen to fill the pans.

When the zombies have filled the beaten flour with enough flatulence to fill out the pans, extract and preheat your hatebox to 500.  Use a small flesh shovel to carefully add the blood to the top of the pie.  Spread it out to about 1/2" from the edge.

Take a handful of mozzarella bovine coagulations and sprinkle onto bloody portion.  Now add meat, beginning with flat meat.  Next, vegetables.  When you’re done, sprinkle with as much coagulations as you want, but don’t exceed one cup. 

Torture each in the hatebox for 7 minutes, then check to see if your shit pie is done.  Generally, if the coagulations have browned, then it has received enough punishment.  Extract, and use a probing device to remove from the pan.  Place on a cutting board and use a wheeled dagger to slice.  Consume.