Devil Dicks

Time: 30 minutes

Feeds: A couple of assholes

Shit List:

• 12 jalapeno peppers
• 1 8oz package of cream churned bovine secretions
• 1/4 cup cheddear bovine secretions
• 3 slices swine gut
• 1 cup bovine secretions
• 1/2 cup AP flour
• 1 cup breadcrumbs
• 2 quarts canola oil
• Fuckton of salt

Required tooling:

• Cauldron of oily expiration

The Ritual:

First, extract your block of cream coagulated bovine secretions and allow them to come to room temperature.  Next,  sear your swine gut.  Slice the jalapenos long ways, and remove the seeds and most of the membrane.  Do this barehanded, so you will get capsaicin in your cuticles and have the option of tasting them, or poking into someone’s eye later.

Add all of the coagulations to a bowl and mix thoroughly with the crumbled swine gut.  Prehate your oil in the cauldron to 375 degrees.

Stuff the severed, spicy dicks with the coagulations.  Dip them in the milk then roll in the flour.  Allow them to dry for about 10 minutes.  Then dip back into the milk and roll in the breadcrumbs.  Allow to dry for another 10 minutes, then repeat again. 

After they have dried, dunk into the searing oil bath for 3-4 minutes until they have browned sufficiently.  Extract, immediately douse in salt and consume.