Fowl Weed Pie, minus the Weed

Time: Several hours

Feeds: An assload of assholes

List of shit:

Exoskeleton:

• 3.5 cups AP flour
• 1 tbsp salt
• 1.5 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 cup shortening
• 1 stick of churned bovine secretions
• 1/2 cup ice water
• 1 egg

The Guts:

• 2 cups previously tormented fowl
• 1 carton of fowl juice, 32 oz
• 2 raped onions
• 3/4 cup flour
• 1.5 sticks of butter
• 2 cups frozen peas
• 2 chopped carrots, tortured until tender
• Parsley
• Fuckton of salt
• Fuckton of pepper

Tooling:

• Automated torture device

The assembly of the abominable creation:

Take your churned bovine secretions for the exoskeleton and cut it into tbsp portions.  Add the dry ingredients to the bowl of your automated torture device and begin to mix with the meathook.  Add the churned bovine secretions one at a time, then the shortening.  Do not add the chicken embryo, because it’s for later. Add the ice water and torture until it forms a ball.  Wrap the ball in plastic and stash it in the morgue.

You may boil the cytoplasm in your fowl in pretty much any manner.  Tortured above the coals of Charon is definitely an acceptable method.  You could also coat the bird in herbs and spices, then annihilate in the hatebox.  The choice is yours.

After the dough has rested for an hour or so, get a large pan over a medium high hellfire.  Add the butter to the pan and sautee the peas, onions and carrots.  After a couple of minutes, add the flour and stir until it is thoroughly combined. 

Add the fowl juice and parsley, and let it simmer until thickened.  Don’t forget to add a fuckton of salt and pepper, or else the ritual will fail!

Roll out your raw exoskeleton and use a little more than half of it to line an 11 X 9 casserole dish.  Leave a little excess hanging over the edges of the dish, for sealing.  Fill it with the bubbling mess.  Quickly roll out the rest of the exoskeleton and place it on top of the concoction, crimping it to the bottom layer.  Carve two inverted crosses and one pentagram for proper venting.

Beat that chicken menstruation with a little unholy water.  Brush it on top of the exoskeleton with your bastard brush.

Place into a 375 degree hatebox for about 50 minutes.  Extract and allow it to cool for about a half hour.  Cut and consume.