Baked Crap and Cheese

Cooking time: 1 hour

Goddamn list:

• ½ lb elbow macaroni
• Unholy water
• 6 tbsp churned bovine juice
• 3 cups whole bovine juice
• 3 tbsp flour
• 1 tbsp dry mustard
• 1 tbsp cayenne pepper
• 3 tbsp salt
• 1 tbsp paprkia
• 1 bay leaf
• One small onion, stabbed into fine pieces
• 6 oz sharp cheddar cheese; shredded
• 5 oz smoked gouda cheese; shredded
• 2 oz mozzarella cheese; shredded
• 1 large chicken menstruation sac
• 1 cup panko bread crumbs

Preparation:

Begin by preheating your hatebox to 350 hate units.  Obtain a medium- large cauldron and fill 3/4 of the way with unholy salted water.  Place atop your incinerator and selected the highest heat.  When the water is boiling furiously, add the elbows. 

Meanwhile, melt 3 tbsp of churned bovine secretions in a separate cauldron and melt over medium high hellfire.  When it begins to shriek in pain, add the flour, mustard and cayenne pepper.  You’re making a roux which will lead to the creation of a thick mucus, so keep stirring. 

Just before the elbows are done, remove from the fire and drain.  Provide some temporary relief by running cold unholy water over top of the elbows to prevent them from being rendered useless by suffering too much. 

When the melted butter and flour begins to darken from the searing blaze beneath, add the dismembered onion and stir.  Let the onions absorb the pain the other ingredients have had to endure thus far.   After about 2 minutes, add the paprika and bovine juice as well as 1 tbsp of salt.  Let it boil quietly for a few minutes. 

Thoroughly destroy the fowl menstruation with a whisk.  Temper it into the cauldron of thickened, immense suffering by adding scalding bovine mucus to the menstruation and whisking in.  After the temperature of the menstruation has been raised significantly, add it to the mucus cauldron.  Mix all of the cheeses together, then add most of them to the mixture.  Manipulate with your probing device until melted. 

Add the tortured and cooled elbows to the bubbling mucus concoction and fold them in.  Pour the entire mess into a glass or CorningWare dish large enough to hold the abomination in which lays before you.  Top with the remaining cheese.

Melt the left over 3 tbsp of churned bovine secretions is a medium sized pan over a blazing inferno.  Add the bread crumbs of the Emperor, along with a few dashes of salt, and toast until slightly darkened.  Spread this across the top of the melted mess, and place inside your hatebox for 30 minutes. 

When the ritual is complete, it should look like this:

Destroy and devour.