Beast Tips and Rice

Cooking time: 6 hours

Feeds: Two hungry, hungry assholes

Items necessary for the ritual:

• A couple pounds of cheap red beast steak
• 1 onion; shredded and chopped
• 1 carton of beast broth
• Salt
• Black pepper
• Several small mushrooms, whole
• 1/2 cup of jesus blood
• 4 tbsp Flour
• 4 tbsp Butter
• Garlic powder
• Small amount of canola oil
• 1 pkg goya sazon seasoning (Baphomet’s dust)

Required Tooling:

• Prolonged torture cauldron

Formulation for sin:

Mutilate your beast meat into small pieces, about 3/4” cubes.  Coat them in flour and sear all edges in a skillet with some canola oil over high hellfire.  Meanwhile, pour the broth into a crock cauldron and set on high.  Add the onions which you should have maimed into small pieces beforehand.   Throw in the whole mushrooms, garlic powder, black pepper, salt and the dust of Baphomet.   

When the meat is brown but still raw on the inside, drop into the crock cauldron, cover and walk away.  Next, deglaze the pan you just used with fresh jesus blood, then pour the remnants into the cauldron. Find ways to serve our unholy master while you wait, such as sacrificing easily catchable animals.  Remember, the larger the animal, the more blood for drawing a pentagram beneath the hanging corpse.  So, the bigger the better.

After you have returned from the ritual sacrifice, you may thicken up your beasty potion by making and adding a roux.  To do this, melt the butter until it bubbles, then add flour while whisking until it is the consistency of fresh felch fluid.  Let the bubbling mess darken, then add to your Satanic stew. 

Switch the cauldron down to low and make some white Devil grains.  For a delicious rice recipe, please see:  Seared Yard Bird with Bloody Chunks and Bleached Jesus Blood, Over Rice.

Extract the grains and pour the beast meat over top.   Conclude the ritual with a silent prayer to Satan, then feast on the beast.