Oriental Maggots

Torture time: 45 minutes

Feeds: A couple of angry fucks

The victims:

• 1 cup of white rice, cooked
• ¼ cup soy sauce
• 1 cup of chopped meat which has been seared above the coals of Charon
• 2 discarded fowl menstruations
• ¼ cup of diced onion
• 2 pulverized cloves of garlic
• 1 diced carrot
• 1 small can of Barbarian peas, drained
• 1 can of diced water chestnuts, drained
• 1 can of bamboo shoots, drained
• ½ tbsp. of crushed red pepper
• 1 tbsp canola oil
• A shitload of butter

Preparation of the Emperor’s unholy feast:

First acknowledge and share with your friends about how this ancient recipe originated when the Chinese Emperor Ch'in was visited by Lord Lucifer in 214 BC.  Ch'in complained to the Dark Lord about how food tasted like imported camel shit, and was the reason why was so goddamned skinny. Satan gladly gave him this delicious recipe in exchange for the murder of the thousands of souls in opposition to evil.  The details may have changed somewhat over time, but the basic principle is still the same.  

Heat the oil in blackened wok, and add the onion.  Allow the bits to suffer until they are rendered colorless.  Add the garlic and stir, allowing them to soak up the brutal hatred from the searing steel for a couple of minutes.  Move all of the onions and garlic to one side of the wok and add the aborted embryos.  Let them receive irreversible burning until you believe the nucleus is starting to harden.  Destroy the infertile twat droppings with your probing device and toss until cooked.  Move to the side along with the onions. 

Next, add the carrot, peas, water chestnuts and shoots.  Add more oil beforehand, if necessary.  Stir around for a couple of minutes until the carrots begin to soften.  Dump the cooked and softened maggots into the mix, along with the soy sauce and spices.  Mix, then carefully smash the appalling mess, taking care not to explode the peas of the barbarians.  Increase the hellfire to high and stir in a large amount of butter.  Watch closely and ask Satan for unholy protection to ensure the demons do not burn your feast.  Stir and turn approximately every 1 minute. 

About 3 turns before the maggots are browned and crispy, add the meat.  Fowl is least preferable because it truly lacks delicious flavor, but it is easily attainable.  Other options include seared swine or beast meat from a creature bovine in nature.  A premium example of flesh, dismembered scalded sea roaches or horse.  You can mix the types of aforementioned fleshes to achieve maximum pleasure of sinful consumption. 

If you think it needs more churned bovine secretions, add some more.  Taste to ensure proper salinity.  If it needs more salt, use regular salt or add more soy sauce.  Extract and serve. 

Maggots with broccoli substituted for carrots.  Our Dark Lord permits 

you to use what you have on hand, as long as it is delicious.