Death by Moldy Feces of Mephistopheles

Cooking time: 1 hour

Cooling time: 6 hours

The shit list:

• 1 box of brownie mix (oil, unholy water and aborted bird fetus required)
• 2 boxes of instant chocolate pudding (4 cups of bovine secretions required)
• 1 pint of heavy whipping cream
• ¼ cup sugar
• ½ cup M&Ms
• 10 drops of green food coloring
• Required equipment:
• Handheld automated destroying machine 

Unholy commands:

Start by preheating your hatebox to 350.  Next, destroy your brownie mix as directed with your automated destroying machine.  If the directions say not to use such a machine, throw the goddamn box away and use it anyway.  At the end, add ¾ of the kernels of Mephistopheles, which will clearly have his initial marked on each piece, and mix in.  These will melt beyond recognition during the torturing process, but will be reminiscent of blood and other abnormalities in the stool in which you will ultimately consume with ghoulish delight. Pour into a greased baking dish and insert into the deathbox for 30-40 minutes. 

In a separate bowl, use your automated machine of torment to combine the ingredients for the pudding.  Again, if the box says not to use an exquisite machine of torture, throw the box upon the floor and stomp it flat.  Next, use it to scrape the film from your filthy anus, set it on fire and blindly toss it out of a window.  With the machine, it won’t take long to mix into a fluid fecal consistency.  Afterwards, stick it down in the morgue to harden. 

While your liquid feces is becoming solid, pour the heavy whipping cream into a bowl and torture on your machine’s highest setting.  When it begins to thicken some, add the sweetening granules and the green mold coloring.  Continue dispensing unimaginable agony onto the defenseless cream until  it is as thick as pus from a wound which will surely lead to gangrene if left untreated.  Now place the bowl next to the pudding in the morgue.

When the huge steamer in the searing bedpan becomes fluffy and chewy, extract from the hatebox and allow it to cool for a couple of hours.  If you’re unsure if the feces has finished, stab it with your dagger.  If the dagger comes out free of feces, it is done.   If not, put it back into the box until that shit is finished and clean your dagger with some disposable wet wipes. 

Obtain a large glass bowl.  Destroy all of the cooked and cooled feces and deposit half of it into the bottom.  Use your bare hands to smash it down flat.  Next you'll add half of the cold, liquid feces, then the mold.  Repeat for the final layer.  Place it down in the morgue for a few hours, then ingest as though you were a repulsive fecalpheliac.