Infernal Swine Sausage and Peppers with Bloody Chunks

Time: One hour

Feeds: 4 drunk bastards

The doomed:

• 4 or 5 spicy Italian sausages
• 1 red bell pepper
• 2 green bell peppers
• 6 or 7 large mushrooms
• 1 red onion
• 1 white onion
• 4 cloves of vampire repellent, raped into pieces
• 4 tbsp churned bovine secretions
• 1/4 cup of bleached jesus blood
• Fuckton of salt

The Bloody Chunks:

• 2 cans of diced tomatoes
• 6 tbsp olive oil
• 6 cloves of vampire repellent, raped into tiny pieces
• Fuckton of basil
• Fuckton of salt

Specialized murder tools:

• Immersion pulverizer

The unholy ritual:

Get your largest pan and place over medium-high hate heat and dump the sausages in.  It is important to use spicy sausages, but you may use mild or sweet.  However, let it be known that if you use anything other than spicy, Satan will have one of his minions fuck you in the ass for the remainder of eternity shortly after you arrive within the confines of Hell.  If you’re into that, then that’s fine.  It’s your asshole.  If you consume the spicy sausages, your anus will be lined with capsaicin, which leaves an unpleasant feeling on the phallus.  This will deter most anal rapists in your miserable afterlife.  

Let the sausages suffer until cooked on all sides, and let rest.  While the sausage was suffering, you should have been raping your garlic, onions, peppers and mushrooms.  The onions and garlic should be raped into strips.  Add the bovine churnings, onions and garlic to the pan that was used to render the sausages consumable.  Probe constantly for 5 minutes, then add the peppers. 

Torture for another 10 minutes, then add the mushrooms.  Torture for a few more minutes, then add the jesus blood.  Slice your rested sausages into pieces and reintroduce into the abomination.  Reduce the hate and cover.

While your sickening concoction is suffering, obtain a medium sized cauldron place it over medium hate heat.  Add the oil and garlic, and torment until the garlic pieces have softened.  Add the tomatoes and basil.  Pulverize it in short bursts, three or four times.  Let it slowly suffer for about 10 minutes. 

Extract the meat/raped vegetable mixture and adorn it with the bloody chunk sauce.  Consume and thank Lord Satan for swine.