Incinerated Cod Crotch

Time: 40 minutes

Feeds:  2 or 3 hateful, hateful metalheads

Shitlist:

• 4 cod loins, about a pounds worth
• 4 tbsp churned bovine secretions
• ½ sleeve of round-ass crackers that rhyme with ‘spits’
• The fluid from one lemon
• 1 tbsp of parsley
• 1/4 cup of bleached jesus blood
• A fuckton of salt
• A fuckton of chopped green onion

Unleash your murderous rage upon the crotch of the ill-fated creature meat:

Prehate your hatebox to 400 goddamn degrees.  Place the churned bovine secretions into a solid steel bowl and place in your nuclear hate box.  Enjoy the cool lightning show for the 60 seconds or so it’ll take to reduce the chunk of fat into a boiling liquid. 

Pour half of the molten churnings into a baking dish and set aside.  Now turn your fury towards the buttery round crackers, smashing them into dust.  Combine them  and the parsley with the liquefied secretions in the bowl.

Add your fish taints to the baking dish with the melted churnings, and coat with the liquid fat.  Insert into the hatebox and let it suffer for about 10 minutes.  Meanwhile, mix your citric acid and bleached jesus blood.

After the required time has elapsed, extract the crotches and pour the acid/jesus blood mixture over top.  

Now, cover with

the destroyed, fatty cracker mixture on top, like it’s some sort of goddamn breading.  Reinsert into the hatebox, and torture for another 10 minutes.  Extract for the final time and top with the raped green onion.  Devour.