Brujeria Grains

Time: More than an hour

Feeds: More assholes than you probably even know

The damned:

• 2 cups of rice
• 1 can of diced tomatoes
• 2 jalapenos , raped with a knife
• 1 onion, raped into quarters
• 1/3 cup of vegetable oil
• 6 cloves of garlic, raped to bits
• 2 cups of fowl  juice
• 2 tbsp salt
• Assload of cilantro

Required equipment

• The destroyer

The formula of hostility:

Start with an audible prayer to the dark lord to assist you with this ritual, which is a goddamn pain in the ass to complete.  Preheat your hatebox to 350.  Next, place the filthy grains in a fine mesh strainer and rinse them until the water runs clear beneath.  If you skip this step, the ritual will certainly fail.  When you are done, allow the grains to drain.

Obtain a large corningware cauldron and heat the oil over medium high hellfire atop of your hellfire generator.  It is important this dish have a heavy lid.  Now add the tomato and onion to the destroyer and murder the shit out of them.  They will be liquid by the time you’re done. 

Add the drowned and dried grains to the searing oil.  Torture and probe for 6 minutes and 66 seconds.  Add the garlic and jalapenos and inflict suffering for another couple of minutes.  Add the fowl juice, destroyed tomato/onion mix, fuckton of salt, pepper and cilantro.  Place your lid on top of the cauldron and insert into the hatebox for 15 minutes.  Extract, probe with a large flesh shovel to make sure everything is mixed, and reinsert for another 15 minutes.  Extract again and devour.