Pythius Pie

Time: Way more than a day

Feeds: 3 or 4 felons

List:

The soul:

• 2 cups bread flour
• 1.5 tbsp salt
• 2 tbsp sugar
• 1.5 tbsp olive oil
• 3/4 cup warm unholy water
• 1 tbsp dry active yeast

The blood:

• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 2 cloves garlic, raped to pieces
• 1 tbsp basil
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tbsp tomato paste
• 1 can tomato sauce
• 1 tsp marjoram
• 1 tsp crushed red pepper

The flesh

• Pepperoni and/or any other flat meat such as bacon or ham
• Vegetables such as onions, green peppers
• Fungus
• Mozzarella coagulated bovine secretions
• Provolone coagulated bovine secretions

Required tooling:

• Automated torture device w/meathook

The day of reckoning begins:

Start by combining the sugar, warm unholy water and zombies and let sit for about 10 minutes.  Put the rest of the ingredients into the bowl, then add the ravenous zombie fluid.  Use the machine to knead viciously for 15 minutes.  It’ll be loud, but killing things usually isn’t quiet. 

Roll the dough into a ball and lube up with oil.  Put in a bowl and cover tightly with plastic wrap.  Place into your morgue for 24 hours. 

The next day, preheat your hatebox to 666 degrees, or the highest temperature it’ll attain.  If you want to use a stone, make sure that’s in there, soaking up the hate.  Use a dagger to cut the dough in half.  Stretch and knead the elastic dough until your arms begin to tire.  Then roll into balls and cover with a towel for 30 minutes.  

Toss and stretch until you have formed discs about 16” in diameter.  Use a little less than 1/4 cup of blood and spread out across the dough with a flesh shovel.  Add some coagulated bovine secretions, followed by your meat, vegetables and fungus.  Cover with more coagulated bovine secretions.  Torture each pie in the hatebox for 7 or 8 minutes, or until the crust is browned and the bovine secretions are boiling. 

Extract, cool, divide and devour.