Anger Food Cake

Time: 3 fucking hours

Feeds: Variable

List:

• 12 embryonic fluid sacs of fowl
• 1.5 tsp cream of tartar
• 2 cups pounded to dust sugar
• 1 cup cake flour
• 1 tsp lemon extract
• 1/3 cup warm unholy water
• 1/4 tsp salt

Torture tooling:

• Automated mutilation device
• Powder shitter
• Anger cake pan

The Scalding of the Fluid Left Over from the Abortion:

Why did the chicken become impregnated 12 times yet decide against having the baby each time?  So you could make a angrily delicious cake! 

Preheat your hatebox to 350 hate units.  Now get to cracking those shells and separating the nuclei of the aborted baby birds from the clear fluid you require.  I actually freeze my goddamn embryonic fluid, because I use the nuclei of aborted birds for other applications, such as constructing death balls or making delicious frozen custard.

Pour the disturbing mess into the mixing bowl of your automated mutilation device.  Attach the balloon whisk.  Add the cream of tartar, half the sugar, unholy water.  Slowly progress the speed of the goddamn machine until it is at full throttle.  Viciously process this questionable fluid until it becomes extremely stiff and frothy, which is what she said. 

Combine the cake flour, the remaining sugar and salt into the powder shitter.  Remove the bowl of your mixer from grasp of the automated mutilation device and set on the counter.  Force the powder shitter to shit out some of the flour, sugar and salt into the bowl.  Use a probing device to fold into the ruined froth fluid.  Repeat until the shitter has shat out all of the dust.

Transfer to an ungreased anger food cake pan.  If you’re smart, you will have invested into a two piece pan.  But you’re probably stupid, as well as broke, and can’t afford a goddamn $10 two piece pan.  Whatever. 

Place in the hatebox and persecute for 35-40 minutes, or until done.  Extract, and cool upside down over a goddamn plate.  After about 30 minutes, extract, slice and devour.