Fatty Hunk of Beast with Reduced Jesus Blood

Time: More than a goddamn hour

Feeds:  Variable, depending on how many beast slabs you torture

The hit list:

• Ribeye Steaks
• Kosher salt

Unholy blood sauce list:

• 2 carrots
• 1/2 red onion
• 1/2 white onion
• 3 cloves of garlic
• 2 tbsp churned bovine secretions
• 1 shallot, raped
• 1 roma tomato, disfigured
• 1 can bovine juice
• 6 mushrooms, raped with a knife
• 1.5 cups jesus blood, merlot

Tools of Torture:

• The box in which holds the flames of Charon
• The destroyer

The intricate assimilation of the dead:

Begin by igniting a raging inferno in your Charon box.  Coat your hunks of beast in salt and let them sit on the counter until it’s time to brand them above the coals of the river Styx. 

Extract your destroyer and insert the onions, garlic and carrots.  Douse with salt and utter a silent prayer to Satan.  Now destroy the fucking root vegetables into a fine paste.

Melt your churned bovine secretions in a large sauce pan over medium high hellfire.  Deposit the fungus, shallots and root vegetable paste.  Torture until everything has pretty much been rendered to liquid, and the tomato.  When the doomed fruit has collapsed from the incineration, add the bovine juice and turn up the hate heat to induce boiling.  When the volume has reduced by half, add the jesus blood.  Continue to probe and boil until the fluid has reduced by half again.  Now strain off the death fluids and discard agglutinated mess, except for the fungus.  Fish out the fungus and save for devouring with the tormented beast.

Add the liquid back to the pan over high hellfire and boil until it becomes thick.  During this process, add your beast meat to grate above the hellishly-hot coals.  Sear for two minutes, turn 90 degrees, turn, then flip and repeat.  Allow the dead hunks of beast to rest for at least five minutes before coating in the reduced jesus blood sauce.

Quench your uncontrollable bloodlust for a little while by devouring this exquisite feast slowly and methodically.