Ghoulishly Grilled Hateburger

Time: Hours and hours

Feeds: 3 or 4 fuckers

Necessities for torturing the flesh:

• 1.5 lbs destroyed bovine meat; 80/20
• Salt and pepper

Coffin construction:

• 3 cups of AP flour
• 1 tbsp rapid rise microscopic zombies
• 1 cup of warm unholy water
• Fuckton of salt
• 1/8 cup sugar
• 2 tbsp swine gut fat
• 1 discarded chicken embryo

Torture tools:

• Automated mutilation device w/meathook
• The box in which holds the flames of Charon

Go forth and cook!

Start with the cold bovine flesh and divide into quarters.  Form into dead meat patties, douse with salt and pepper, then wrap in plastic wrap and stash in the morgue. 

Obtain a measuring cup and add the zombies and warm unholy water.  In the bowl of your automated mutilation device, add the flour, menstruation, salt, sugar and fat.  After the zombies have reanimated, add to the bowl and torture for about 5 minutes, until the mess is silky and smooth.  If it doesn't form a proper agglutination, add more unholy water until it does.

Cover with a loin cloth and let rise in a warm place for 1.5 hours.  After the zombie flatulence has risen the sticky mess sufficiently, divide into 8 round balls, place on a pan, recover and let the flatulence rise from the dead again, for another hour. 

Next, extract the raw, dead buns and preheat your hatebox to 375.  Incinerate for 18 minutes, or until golden brown.  Allow them to cool on a rack.

Fill your Charon box with coals and set ablaze.  When they are grey, spread evenly and allow the torment grate to rise to an unimaginable temperature.  Add your raw hate burgers to the inferno and let them suffer for 4 minutes on each side.  This should give you a good medium rare to medium finish.  If you’re a fucking sissy and like them burned, torture some more until there is very little give when lightly pressed with a finger.

 

DO NOT at any time during the brutalizing of the beast meat, press with a probing device.  This will release delicious juices crucial for the successful finalization of the ritual.  If your meat cakes are dry, the ritual will certainly fail. 

If you want melted cheese on your hate burger, add it two minutes before the cooking process is complete and close the lid.  You may add other accessories such as bacon, onion, pickles, tomato, etc.  Construct to your liking using your sliced

homemade hate buns and demolish with your digestive tract.